Family Videos

I was with my family today. I have an amazing family.

Everything a family can be, they are.

At first it feels so nice to be around all the love, all the wholeness of all the families.

But, after a bit, after watching home movies, watching husbands sit by their wives, or give loving looks across a crowd of people, it starts all the questions of when will I have a whole family again? Having kids get to pick Mom or Dad's lap and then switch when they want. Watching a mom ask her husband to get their daughters shoes while she changes their sons diaper. Stupid things like that, make me miss my simple boring married life.

What will my kids' home videos look like? When I put together a missionary farewill video for Doodah, what will flash across the screen? Somehow, what seems like seperate lives to me, will be his one life. He won't get a graduation picture with his Mom and Dad's arms around him. He won't get his wedding picture with his parents holding hands.

How did this happen?! My life is now the way I want it, but it's not anything they deserve or will want. They deserve better.