Thursday, April 15, 2010

That's weird

Don't play the game.

Just know he's going to say stupid things.
He's going to say things that make you so angry.

When he comes around, you can expect nonsense.

This is not your husband.

This is that weird creepy guy that stole your husband.

If you react, he knows you still care. He once again will get something from you.

DON'T DO IT! Just shrug your shoulders.

Best phrases:
I don't know
That's weird
I'll have my attorney get back to you on that.
I'm not sure

Or, love you too:) (that's kind of pushing it)

Or best yet, nothing. Just turn your phone off.
Be done.


It had snowed. It was his night with the kids.
He asked if he could build snowmen with them in the front yard when he came to get them. They were so excited, I knew they would love that.

Dinner was just getting done, it was silly to not offer him some.

So, as my once called "happy family" sat down for dinner, and then got bundled up to build snowmen. I occupied my mind and efforts with making sugar cookies.

I could've sat in the window watching the family I ached for, laugh and build snowmen. Remembering all the moments we laughed together as one. But, no.

Just stay in the kitchen, make the cookies. Frost the cookies. Don't go to the window. What you see will not be real. So, I stay strong. I stay put together.

My kids had a great time with their Dad, and I got my cookies done.
No tears, no heart ache. Just another night.

Poopy Pants

In the middle of preschool I hear Lulu ask her friend...
"Did you know my Dad doesn't live here anymore?"

No reply from the friend.

I catch my breath. Pause. Sad. Finish getting snacks ready.

Just a part of our new life.

I learned this lesson before I got to this point.
Nikki over at Have JOY, told her here.

I knew this was just going to simply be a part of my new life style.

Just like kids pooping their pants, is part of a mom's life
This is another 'crappy' part of divorce life.

No more.

Aaaaahhhhh. I've been fine for 12 days.

I sit down to relax and watch a movie. My body decompresses.

I get a text with hopeful words. I text back with tears filling my eyes.

What? Why? I wasn't even thinking of anything sad.


Oh, no hear I go. Disappearing again.

Please, anyone. Help!

Knock, Knock, Knock.

I open the door. A friend just felt like coming by, "Are you okay?"

Hug..."no". Tears.

A long talk, and I'm back.

My Heavenly Father wants me to move forward. He sent a friend to my front door so I don't have to cry alone anymore. It's okay now to walk away from the misery. No more crashing. The tears before made me learn lessons, they made me stronger by getting up again. But, now the tears just feel like weakness and by giving in too long they make me angry, sad, bitter, and lonely. There is no more time or purpose for that. I must be strong, control my anger, sadness, bitterness, and know that I'm am worth moving forward. There is something more for me and I will do what it takes to get there.

No Hope

If my husband died, no one would tell me, "you just have to have hope, maybe he will come back".

That would be impossible.

My husband, as I knew him, has died. I miss him.

Even if this new guy changed for the better, he would be a new guy, and we would have a new relationship.

So, I have hope for a new relationship and to be married again someday. 'he' is in the same basket as all the other single guys in the world.

May the best man win.