Click it Off

I just want to click it off!!!!

After everything he's done. After the lies, the deceit, the abandonment, the betrayal, and so many more things that I can't put into words. I still love him. I still want to come home and just sit with him on the couch. I want to put my arms around him and say, let's just forget about it and start again. It's seems so simple. Just kiss and make up. Tomorrow all of this could just go away and I would have my husband and my family back. If I had a magic remote, I could just "click" it back to the right channel.

But, then I remember....I can't "click" this by myself. My efforts, my words of encouragement and never failing love and commitment are not what will give me the marriage I want. It's all in his hands and he's not choosing me. So, I have to keep going. He wants someone or something else, he must, because he certainly does not want me. He's on a different channel!

Where is the Off Switch? Why do I still love him? It's not fair that he got to be so horrible and I still love him. Will I always love him, and just have to cover it up forever? Will I drop the kids off to him for the weekend and wish he would ask me on a date?

I hate this wishy washy part of me. I should go to sleep and then I will wake up strong again.

Click....OFF(that's better)