Wit u Mom

Doodah melts my heart every morning.

I hear my door open, i roll over and we are face to face.

"I sleep wit u, mom?"

Ya. I pull him up. He puts his little hands on my face and insists on me holding his other hand.
He will get tired and wiggle away, but it doesn't take long before those tiny hands are looking for me again. He will play with my hair and tickle my arm.

Sometimes it's so much that it brings tears to my eyes. How does this tiny little boy know that I desperately need to know I'm needed? And just a soft touch and sweet smile of love gives me everything I need to build a whole new life.

I love you Doodah!

Suddenly Mom!

The majority of my journal entries for the Summer have been:
"Slept, worked out, went to work"

Now in 1 day:

Chores. Crafts. Messes. Breakfast.
11am- pack lunches. Park.
2pm- meet preschool teacher. Snuggle time. Snack.
4:30pm- get everyone ready to go. Leave for Dance.
5pm-Dance Class.
6pm- meet GandG with kids.
7pm- Drop off Product for Charity
8pm- at Work

What did I use to do all day, without random messes to clean up?!

I'm loving the chaos! I'm loving the kisses and the little hands.
I'm loving the Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. My ears still need to get use to it, but..I LOVE IT!

Which is my real house?

While riding in the car today.
Listening to the Disney Radio Station.
On our way to the Grocery Store.

Out of the blue: "Mom, which house is my real house?"

Me: "Well, Mom's house is your real house during school. And Dad's house is your real house during the Summer."

I hate that she has to figure this all out too.

4 more days

I've been by myself all summer.

I've had to do nothing other than take care of myself.

I can take as long as I want to get ready.
I can take really long showers and really long naps.

I can just put on my jogging clothes and run out the door, whenever.
I can go to work early and get home late.

I don't have to do laundry unless I want to wear clean things.
I don't have to eat or fix any meals.

There are no 'timeouts' in my world. There is no discipline, no fights, no runny noses, no spills, or bedtime stories.

There have been no snuggles, no little hugs, no little kisses, no "mommy mommy".

I'm ready to give up all the 'me' time for all the runny noses, nagging, spilled milk, whining, tiredness, and little hands to hold, and little kisses.

I miss you both so much. You are a part of me, and I can't wait to feel complete again!

Rip my Heart Out

I have just a moment to say goodbye while passing through.

I hold him as long as I can. I play with her as much as you can in just a few moments.

I hug them, kiss them. Tell them I will see them next week.

He climbs in my car before I can stop him...'I come wit you, mommy'

I kiss him, set him on the porch next to his wonderful Grandma.

She holds his hand. As I run to my car and jump in I hear him yelling, LET GO! LET ME GO! I NEED MY MOMMY!

I have to hurry and close the door and drive away as fast as I can. I can't think.
There is nothing I can do. It's not my turn with my kids.

It will be soon.

You should never have to take turns with your own kids.

Tooth Fairy

She lost her first tooth. I wasn't there.

She lost her second tooth. I wasn't there.

How do you be a Tooth Fairy from 500 miles away?
You don't.

I'm suppose to be able to write a cute note, show my husband, have him put in a few dollars,
sneak in her room and put it under her pillow.

With my husband's arms wrapped around me, we would look at our beautiful daughter in awe, and wonder how she got so big.

I never thought being a Tooth Fairy would feel this important to me.

The Worst Parts

Come get me, she says. Do you have to work? Then come get me right now. I miss you.

I could just get in my car and be there in the morning. I would be there for a day and have to return for work.

Why do you have to work? Dad works, so you don't have to.
Why don't you live here? Why aren't you married anymore?

I'm so sorry. I promise I'm trying my best to make our life happy. I know it's going to feel different and hard, but you and me we have to be strong. This is your time with your Dad right now, you have to make sure you spend it with him. You are probably just tired.

No, I'm not tired, I just miss you.

If I was there, I would climb into bed with you, snuggle you up, sing you songs, and fall asleep with you. We will be together soon. I love you.

I try to change the subject and talk about all the things we will do when she's home with me.
I tell her to go snuggle up with her Dad so she feels better.

What's done is done, but I have to find a way to make this life really really good for them.